Relationships – Do’s and Don’ts

pexels-photo-226166Don’t Give Up

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

I know this one is tough.

It also requires instincts as well. Everyone has some sense of if someone is true. If not, you can easily test it and find your answer.

However, this is why you should never give up even if someone has hurt you in the worst way: everyone is going to hurt you in some way, shape or form. Even the next person you decide to give your trust to. It only gets better when you keep working on it. Forgive but DON’T just forget. This is because it will cause you to let your guard down and it is not easy to just forget anyways, so don’t fight it. What else you don’t want to do is use it against people or use it as an outlet to make the situation worst. Observe them and let them know what certain area of the relationship needs working on then discuss how to fix it.

DON’T Engage Bread-crumbing

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I need you all to be aware of this because it is becoming a trend. It is sneaky and it always gets you. This is a red flag. This is a DON’T in a relationship.

This is basically leading someone on for nothing. Basically being a booty call and sometimes it does not even go that far. It is important to notice this because people who do breadcrumb aren’t being true with you. Trust me, there is 24 hours in a day, if someone wanted to talk to you, they would find a way (You have to reach out to them too). When they do decide to contact you, it is okay to talk to them. But do not expect much more than that because you won’t get it.

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DO – Focus On Becoming More Comfortable

If you are not trying to be best-friends with the person you want to be in a relationship with, what are you doing?

This is where you strengthen your similarities. Literally, put them on steroids and work them out as much as you can. One example is music. The connection based on liking similar music as never failed me and millions of people. Dance to it together, sing to it together, be goofballs with it, whatever you can do to get out of your scaredy cat phase and being yourself.

Also, if you are not spending a lot of time with this person, what are you doing?

This relates to bread-crumbing because it does nothing for the relationship. Spending time together can be video chats as well if you have a long-distance relationships. However, if that person is in close proximity, it is of the best advantage to aim for daily visits with this person.

TEXTING

DO – Be Faithful

This one is self-explanatory.

I’ve done things like let my partner has a fingerprint passcode to my phone and also utilized the ‘Find Friends’ app on the iPhone so they could have my location at all times. Some people may think this is overboard which is okay. However, it cures your overthinking and worrying. My partner usually decides to do the same for me as well. Usually at the beginning of a relationship, this isn’t that good of an idea. It may seem controlling if you are not at the appropriate comfort level with that person.

I once had a problem with temptation. So I asked my married friend, “How does he cope with temptation?” And he simply told me to just pray about it. When you talk to God, our Creator, the universe – somehow your mind is more at ease. I advise you to take this road as well. Temptation will always be there, just know that NOT being faithful will hurt you in the long run.

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Why PARENTS are Wrong About Religion

First of all, I do not want you to be rebels against your parents. Be grateful for them because they gave you life and to even be born is considered a miracle. Also, I believe we have a Creator, something that is greater than all of us.

Religion

I understand this might be a tough one to take in, but just hear me out.

Lets take a common religion for example: Christianity.

This idea was brought to me by a friend I had from Bosnia. He was not a Christian; in Bosnia, 40% of the population is of Muslim faith. However, he did not quite agree with his religion as well. He told me that he believes that there is a Creator; however, he feels that treating others right and doing the right things is what will get you to Heaven or a place in the after-life that will be promising and not what religion you are.

Instantly, this grasped my attention and it was hard not to agree. Christianity teaches faith in Jesus and his father – God. Those who do not have faith or of not Christian faith, for a lack of better words, will perish. Keep in mind, that is over three billion people!

I grew up in a Christian family. I’ve read the Bible and I still believe its stories. However, I’ve also seen the extreme Christian groups. These people have been seen on TV bashing gays, lesbian, and non-believers in a manner simpler to the recent KKK and Neo-Nazis members in Charlottesville, Virginia. I’ve observed my life and seen that God has exposed me to the concept of diversity – which a lot of people do not seem to understand. I have friends who are gay, lesbian, of different faiths, and are from different places.

Now imagine being born into a different faith. If you were, you would not be the faith you are now, right? Just as someone learns to be racist – you would learn to be that religion from the people you are around the most. I cannot say that over three billion people (some of which are my friends) will perish because they were raised different from me. God created us to love and he has the ultimate love for us all.

Religions were used as coping methods. People created religions from what they thought to be right. They passed down these lessons and it spread like epidemics. The early Europeans who came to America were centralized around the Christian faith. So yes, that means the same people that enslaved other human-beings were Christians. But it does not stop there. Many historians have tried to explain how slavery even happened. It started with a dominate group of Africans in Africa selling off human beings to the early American colonist. Because they separated these individuals who were from different tribes, it caused confusion. These people did not know how to communicate with each other because their languages were different. There was no way to assemble against the people who bought and enslaved them.

With no way to communicate, these Africans were forced into slavery by, guess who, Christian people. The slaves did not know how to read and write, which I’m sure you’ve heard before. But what is more astonishing is that they came from the origins of humanity. It puzzles me that the people from the origins of humanity were converted to Christians. Why isn’t it the other way around? When they learned to read and write, they read books like the Bible. When you read something and actually learn something from it, you become what you’ve learned.

I’m not saying that believing in your religion is wrong. I’m simply asking to be your own person. I cannot say that because a person is gay that they will burn in hell. I cannot say that my Muslim friends are going to perish. I believe our Creator made them that way for a reason. I do not believe that my Creator would deliberately destroy billions of people. Given that the chances of being born in one in 40 million, I feel like God has given us all a purpose. We are made to be different but realize that how you are raised is not how other people are raised. Understand that your parents were taught by their parents. Just like someone who is racist is influenced by his or her parents or guardians is how we are influenced on religion. Being one-sided about things only causes you to hate the other side. Celebrate your differences, it is what makes you unique.

Pornography, Fapping and Why It Ruins Relationships

I owe the community of NoFap an extreme amount of gratitude. The reason behind this is because it has truly changed my life and the lives of many people as well. This article does not justify watching pornography; it is going to be extremely biased against it. No benefits will be listed or found. However, why it ruins the personal self and our relationship will be discussed.

Pornography

It is possible to be addicted to pornography. You may know it subconsciously but it never really hits you. Changes are subtle and go unnoticeable. Scientists have compared porn addiction to actually doing hard drugs like cocaine and heroin. Once again though, you will never notice if someone who is addicted to porn is in their right mind.

Viewing pornography works the same way that cocaine and heroin work on the brain. Pornography, cocaine and heroin stimulates what scientists call the ‘reward pathway’. This pathway is activated when you complete something or do something that promotes life (e.g. drinking water, eating a delicious meal, having sex). Another example is the natural high you get after completing a workout. This pathway is not meant to be on constantly to further the discussion – only when you complete something that promotes life.

Now imagine what may happen if this pathway is turn on consistently AND without doing the work. It is as easy as a click of a button and there you go – brain stimulation for hours. This stimulation is the release of important chemicals in your brain such as dopamine and oxytocin. This chemicals are useful in bringing us pleasure and motivation to keep doing activities that promote life and wellbeing. The more a user watches porn, the more they WANT to watch. They will continue to come back to view because of that release in chemicals that make you feel good. The pathway will be corrupted just like being addicted to cocaine and heroin.

Fapping

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I’ve read old articles about masturbation being a healthy practice. Which, it may be. But to me, it is not.

When you pair up pornography with masturbation. There is a huge problem.

From the above information, you might have a clue on where this is going. Once again we have a scenario where doing the work is little to none. When you pair this with pornography though, it is effortless, almost too easy. Like with the effects of alcohol, the enjoyment of sex is already at a higher rate (I’m pretty sure any drug intensifies to pleasure of sex).  Your dopamine is already raging high and your eyes are glued to the screen when viewing porn. Time passes by and you do not even notice it.

All of a sudden, you’re bingeing on porn and masturbating at the same time. Ultimately, your reward pathway is constantly firing, over and over again. May you not forget, this is inside your brain. A physical structure inside your brain that is being overworked like a worn out muscle during a work out. In this case though, there is nothing that can stop you besides yourself. Fapping takes over and it doubles the harmful effects of watching pornography alone.

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How Porn and Fapping Ruins Your Relationship

Usually we think of people who watch porn as single individuals. Which is not wrong at all even though it is stereotypical. However, reports have shown that people use it while in their relationships as well.

Here are ways it affects your relationships:

  1. Porn teaches the viewer to see their partner and other people as objects – this disrupts the intimacy that a relationship is supposed to have, it also correlates with the development of social anxiety
  2. Porn sets unrealistic standards  – Porn-stars are porn-stars – in order words, this is their job – they are not amateurs, they are pros at having sex
  3. Decrease in sex drive – no need to have sex with your partner when you just watch porn and fap
  4. Promotes no trust – basically what a relationship is built on

 

WHY EVERYONE SHOULD MEDITATE – MUST READ

Have you ever heard the saying, “Mind over matter”?

That statement reaches beyond mental capacity (no pun intended).

Neurology is a section of medicine that focuses on disorders of the nervous system – basically your brain and spinal cord. Something that this study has found is that a having a positive mindset and benefit everyone!

Do you know why doctors often advice cancer patients to have a great attitude? Because it helps in the long run with the treatment of cancer. When you dig further down, you will learn that cancer is directly correlated with your DNA. The one thing closest to your DNA is nothing other than your brain.

“What does this have to do with why I should meditate?” You may ask.

The answer is that it changes your mind. Physical and mentally (once again, no pun intended).

Mindfulness

Meditation teaches mindfulness. For me, when I am deep into meditation, the only things I am aware of is my breathing and my brain. I literally feel like I’m inside my brain. Your entire body is there and present but you are still and relaxed – you don’t notice it so much.

Mindfulness is extremely important. Here are some of the benefits:

  • It gives you an attitude of a satisfied life
  • Makes you focus more on what’s going on (food tastes better, colors are more prominent)
  • Less caught up in worry about the future or resentment over the past
  • Helps improve sleep
  • Helps treatment of depression, heart disease and reduce chronic pain

Decreased Road Rage

When I first started to learn the ropes of meditation I heard that people experience this. It was not my intent for this to happen, I was rather just searching for a peace of mind and a spiritual connection.

However, meditation has help me decrease my road rage. Usually if someone would cut me off or drive slow in the fast lane I’d be an unhappy camper. After the other driver did something to offend me I would drive past them while looking at them like they were stupid.

This does not happen much anymore. I still encounter horrible drivers but my mind has changed so much that don’t even bother with it. To be completely honest, I never thought it would feel this good to just let it go.

You Will Be Your Best Everyday

My favorite thing to do is play basketball. Occasionally, I play pick up games – some days I’m on fire, some days I am not. However, it seemed that after meditating daily became a  thing for me my performance is just about daily. Not just that but I have an increased level of confidence in myself and what I am doing.

I’ve read about this phenomenon as well. The question addressed was: why do people choke or fail to win in something despite the odds being in their favor. It was seen in a French golfer named Jean van de Velde in the 1999 British Open. Leading the open by three shots, Velde failed to win the entire championship. The reason for his collapse was simply because of the overwhelming pressure on his mind from doing so well. I read this and immediately I felt the same connection with him. Had he meditated, his mind would have been at some sort of ease. Just this little change could of been enough for him to win the championship.

Benefits of Waking Up Early

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Ever since I dedicated myself to waking up everyday at 6:30 in the morning I have not turned back. Recently, I read in Tim Ferriss’s book, Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers, that Casey Neistat wakes up every day at 4:30am to get the day started. This has inspired me to push back my time to 5:30am, then I start my daily routine to strengthen my habits. I’ve written an article on why habits are extremely important for wellbeing. We are animals meaning that we live by habits, and routines such as waking up earlier have much better benefits.

1. More Time To Do Things

Truth is that the amount of sleep a person needs varies per person. I’ve seen numbers that some adults only need 6 hours while some need more than 9 hours. The best advice is to develop you body to run on 8 hours (most optimal). If you can function on less than that then it is even better for you.

Suppose you do get 8 hours of sleep. That leaves you with 16 hours to yourself – which is honestly a lot of time. If you have a day job which you have to put in an 8 hour shift, you still have 8 hours in that day to yourself.

If you wake up early, before your shift, you can find something you need/want to do such as working out, writing a blog post, or reading a book. You will notice that all of a sudden, your days will progressively become longer and you will have moments of boredom. As an adult, do you even remember the last time you were bored?

2. Early Bird Gets the Worm

I’ve noticed this constantly. For example, Nike and Jordan brand use to release shoes on early Saturday mornings, and these were highly anticipated. The lines where outrageous and people gathered and waited in the whatever type of weather to get their hands on a pair. This is same thing happens when Apple releases a new iPhone but just at a more prevalent rate. If you were in the line you will notice that being near the end of the line increases your chances of NOT getting a pair or phone.

Another observation I’ve had was from working overnight in a grocery store. A lot of stores have a markdown section. These sections are filled with products that are priced lower than retail price. You may ask, “What is wrong with these products and what happened to them to make it priced so low?” And usually the answer is that there is no more room for it on the shelves. My first thought about these products use to be that they were damaged or expired but it turned out to not be that way at all. Here is where it gets funny. There would be regular customers who come into the store at about four in the morning to find steals that have been marked down. These steals would not be there if they came later in the day, someone would have already gotten it.

3. You Feel Better about the Day

I’ve noticed this a lot more. For when I wake up, I complete tasks that I have to do sometime in the day (e.g. read a book and working out). I feel like we all have something that we feel like we are entitled to do everyday and without doing it we feel discouraged about the day.

I started to come into work with energy and happiness. The grumpy me was out the window because I was not just waking up thirty minutes before work. I actively woke up before work and got my day started when I said I wanted to start my day. I did not feel shackled by my 9-5 or the feeling of it taking over my entire day.

Once you figure out a way to make this work with your schedule, your life will go more smoothly. If you work overnight shifts a lot, you can still find a way to get up earlier than the normal time you wake up.

The Unknown Misconception of College

"The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge and the
dissemination of the truth"
- John F. Kennedy

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A lot of us go to college under the impression that this is what we are supposed to do. I was in a program called AVID from middle school to high school that prepped you for college. It was and still is an exceptionally program that really does prep you for college. The only problem with this program is that it is extremely one-sided – everyone in it is expected to go to college. No other options are explored or even talked about.

The conflict with that is how old-school and narrow the thinking is. This is a new generation that has proved there are many ways to make a living. Getting a degree does not mean as much as you may think. Unless you need a degree for the work field you are trying to get into, college is a waste of money.

Totally my opinion and the opinion of many others, but here is why.

You need to think of college as a business. People are trying to get money out of you for teaching you something. This is perfectly fine, nothing in life is free. However, you won’t notice that unless you read business books or find out why so many millionaire are college dropouts.  You will notice that you there will be people of all different ages in your classes. You may not pay attention to it too much or you may ask “why are you here when you’re about 70 years old?” There are people who aren’t even full time students – they just want to gain some knowledge on a specific topic and go about their way. They understand the costs of college well and they understand that they do not need to take a bunch of classes just to gain a degree that will not be worth anything in the real world. They are simply there to learn, not get a degree.

This is where the problem begins for people like you and I. We come into college with the notion that we NEED college. If your degree revolves around anything with arts, business or music – you can learn many things online for FREE! Want to learn how to draw with creativity? It is a Google search away, literally.

I had to come to realize that college is set up to get as much money from you as possible. In Texas, it is a law that you MUST take prerequisite courses that have absolutely nothing to do with your degree. These extremely dull classes will put you to sleep if you are not interested in them, trust me. I never knew why I had to take these classes. I understand that some of the information is useful in some situations but I don’t want to learn about what the government does with my tax money if I am going into the medical field.

Please take extreme caution with the choice on if you should go to college. College can be for you, you can learn a lot of valuable information and make lifelong friends. However, that is where the line is drawn. On the other hand, loans are not your friend and they will come back to bite you in the long run if you don’t know what you’re doing. Interest is no fun either and it comes with your loans. Imagine someone loaning you $500 and you paying them back $1,000. That is interest and loans in a nutshell. That is college as a whole. This is business – buy something for less and sell it for more.

Use Habits to Achieve Anything

“Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle

What a time to glow up!

Did you know that early birds perform a lot better than people who stay up late nights?

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A few months ago, I don’t really like that. But there is something common that many top achiever do, and that is waking up early. A team USA trainer said that Kobe Bryant would come into the gym at 4am in the morning just to practice and would not leave they he hit 400 shots. Casey Neistat, an extremely widely known YouTuber, wakes up at 4:30am everyday to get his day started by editing the beautiful vlogs that are seen by millions of viewers. Keep in mind, you do not have to wake up this early to do things, it is strictly your preference. Moreover, I would like you to know that this is extremely difficult to do on a ‘non-consistent’ basis.

These two examples are experts at their profession. But were they born morning people or did they develop a habit of waking up early? I don’t know the definite answers to these questions. However, judging from personal experience and what I have observed in other people, I can see how they got there.

Considering that everyone goes through some form of puberty in their teenage years, there is a part where sleeping in sounds better than waking up early. We live that way for months upon months and honestly, nothing is wrong with that – its how puberty is supposed to be. You need this sleep to further develop your brain and body.

However, unknowingly, that’s almost how habits start. Before you read on, here is something that you need to understand deeply and intimately: humans are animals. Just like birds, dogs and cats – we are animals. In the morning at a certain time, you wake up to hear birds singing – its their habit. Dogs and cats go to the bathroom at the same time everyday – its their habit. They are no difference between a dog, cat or bird other than the anatomy and the fact that humans having a slightly superior mental. However, even if we do have superior thinking, all living beings have some form of habit.

When animals continually do these things it becomes easier to do. It usually takes about two months to form a habit (average is 66 days). I’ve seen this phenomenon happen in people in the military who never use to wake up early. Now, they wake up early with no alarm clock and just get their day started. Doing it over and over with strengthens the habit and soon you’ll notice that you’re doing it without even thinking about it.

The book The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg, demonstrates how habits are formed nicely. It is a great read if you want to destroy bad habits, create new ones and avoid making bad ones. Essentially, there needs to be a ‘cue’, something that tells you it’s time to perform a habit (e.g. alarm clock). Next, you perform a ‘routine’, something that you do (I go workout). Lastly, you ‘reward’ yourself for it (I use this time to check social media or emails). The Power of Habit breaks it down further but essentially that is how habits are created.

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So imagine if you created a habit that empowers you. That makes you better at your craft, art or body. The easiest way to do it is by making it a habit. I strongly encourage everyone to make waking up early a habit. I’ve noticed that I have more time in the day and that it is a myth that you have to be a “morning person.” You can become a morning person and I guarantee it will change your life.